Wow.

I havn't written in this thing for the past 3 months, but it's amazing how I'm still feeling exactly the same as how I did when I wrote that entry. Though things have changed, or so it feels like it, I guess things really havn't changed that much after all.

Funny, how that works out.

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Current Listen : Touch Me - Spring Awakening OBC

Current Read : La Respuesta/ The Answer - Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz

Action

1st step: acceptance
2nd step: action

It feels good trying to rid myself of all the baggage and thoughts and overall negativity I don't need. I'm nowhere near being 100 percent done with all of it, but slowly and surely, I'm getting there. More than likely I will fail, and more than likely you will see this blog in some way shape or form again, but at least I'm being honest.

And with that said, I'm becoming less afraid to write in this. Sometimes honesty is better than anything else when it comes to blogging in these things and sometimes insecurity, jealousy, and vain-ness, had taken its place over honesty in the past. I know I've said this before, but I'm not perfect, and I'm still trying.

Recently, I've had to rethink pretty much my entire life--okay okay maybe it's not that dramatic---but a huge part of myself, nonetheless. I didn't think things would ever come to this, but it did. Minor obstacles that were similar to this always came along, but we always got through it. Which was how it should be because blood is thicker than water. However, I need to take ACTION and know that when people cause me more sadness and hurt than they do happiness, I can't allow them to be around me. I can't do that to myself. I get sad. I become bitter. Then, that turns to anger, and things are said, things are regretted..etc. I just can't do that to myself anymore. So, whoever it is, no matter the relationship, I'm letting go.

At least, I'm trying my hardest, and so far things are going well.


On a brighter note, I raped my physiology class. :) AND I'll be San Diego bound in approximately 10 hours. I'll be surrounded by good people, including my parents, my sister, and the boyfriend.

That is all. :)

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Current Listen: Dumpweed - Blink 182
Current Read: The Time Machine - H.G Wells (again)

King of Pop

I think my brother was singing to Michael Jackson's songs even before he could speak. His true admiration of Michael started then and continued to grow, as it did with the rest of the world, ever since.

That was how he came into my life.

A lot of really vague, unimportant childhood memories have remained through these years because they are associated with Michael Jackson songs. I have a home video of me at Christmas. I was probably 2 or 3 years old. I was wandering around the Christmas tree, when I stopped right in front of the camera and sang "..it's black, it's white." My version of, at the time, my favorite Michael Jackson song.

I remember road trips with my cousins to Disneyland and Vegas, singing at the top of our lungs You Are Not Alone.

I remember my brother forcing me to sit through the making of the Thriller music video so that I would no longer be afraid to listen to, and watch that video.

I'm pretty sure I could go on. But just like the rest of the world, the reason I am writing this blog is because I'm sad. I'm sad for his family and his kids. I'm sad for his fans. I'm sad for my brother who never failed to let any one know that Michael Jackson was his idol and how his only dream was to meet him. I'm sad for everyone else in the world who felt the exact same way. I'm sad for music. I'm sad for the world. I don't think there is anyone on this earth who doesn't know who he is. And that says so much about him.

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop and his legend will definitely live on.

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Current listen: MJ all day everyday.

Jonas Brothers and Common?!?! Not bad..

Tell me that's not the most unlikely combination ever. But I have got to say, I have a lot of respect for this song. Thinking outside of the norm, I like it! Plus Common's fine as hell, and Joe Jonas will be my husband one day. A very NICE combination, indeed!


Either way, I like this stepping over the boundaries business. I've always been a fan of mash-ups of two completely different songs, and it harmoniously working out. Which explains my suprising interest in this song.




Here, give it a listen.


Download The Jonas Brothers Dont Charge For The Crime Feat Common 2dope mp3

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Live High

I might have to take a break from doing this again.
The old negative feeling that has prevented me from writing in the past, has not fully come back, but is slowly getting there. I will not allow myself to stoop that low, once again.

I'm trying to not become that person.
Besides, God is so good. Life has been so good lately. Why should I ruin it with this negativity.

With that said, I'll be taking a small break. Until that one fine moment, I become inspired again. That's the best time to write for me anyway. :)

That is all.

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Current Read: White Like Me - Tim Wise (great book!)
Current Listen: Des Rev - Almost Four (LALALALALOOOOVE it!)

It's the little things..

Every bad day has always definitely got something good that goes a long with it. Something that happened today has proved my point yet again. I was ready to have an uneventful, somewhat sad, next 2 weeks with James being gone and all...

But something good has come out of every day since.

Today, JUSTIN MOTHER EFFING TIMBERLAKE tweet-ed me on twitter! :)

And I did not even prompt him. It was very much a surprise to me as is was to everyone else! Also, James was able to call me again today! :)

I kinda like that. The fact that his calling me has become something to celebrate because we're not on the phone or together all the time. :)

This entry is all smiles. I like it.

That is all.

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Current music : Taking Back Sunday - You're so Last Summer
Current Read : Lock and Key

Bad turned good.

Yesterday was a sad day. James left to go to the Philippines. But, looking back, there are a lot of good things that happened.

1. I got to spend quality time with James` mom and sisters. I love them to death. And, not to toot my own horn, but by the looks of it they love me as well. I think the relationship that I have with James' mom is probably one that most would kill for. She's younger than most moms so while she is motherly, I am still able to talk to her and tell her things that would be a little uncomfortable with my mom. I love how she's always talking about the "wedding" and how she's gonna help him find the perfect ring. Of course, it is in a joking manner, but by the look in her eyes, there is some seriousness to it. She's always making sure James isn't making me cry, and always trying to buy me things. She gives the best presents, but with or without `em, I`d still be as close to her as I am now.

James' sisters are the best tooo! They're always asking to go to my house, or they always want me to take them out. Micayla, the oldest little sister always tells me to buy clothes for her that look just like mine! It's very flattering actually. They don't have a big sister, so I like that I can be there for them. In fact that's one of the reasons why I adore my relationship with James so much. We're both very family oriented, my family loves him, his family loves me, and our families love each other! I love that. The fact that our families already get along. Our moms can hold hour long conversations, and I think that's so cute.

2. I also had a really nice, albeit sad, talk with someone. I totally understand where this person is coming from, how this person feels, and it was nice to share my experience in hopes of enlightening this person's mind, and helping this person out. It felt good just being a friendly ear for listening. No expectations, just really and honestly listening. It's a horrible situation, but it formed a bond, I think, and that's really good.

3. James being away, always makes me reevaluate our relationship, and it always ends up being for the better. In this case, distance is making my heart grow fonder. Being together for 5 years, and always being at each other's side, makes it hard to fully encompass and appreciate what that person and the fact that they are always there, means to you. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with him every second of everyday, but it doesn't always allow me to think about what he truly means to me because we are always together. And yesterday, after he left, I was reading thrrough his cute email that he sent me before he took off, and in my reply, I was able to spill my heart in a different way, coming to conclusions that, I think, now in our relationship, are more apparent than ever. No more naivety, no more immaturity, but true and honest contemplations. We have grown up together, and we're not young anymore. It was a good epiphany. And it's exciting how much FEELING I have about us.

4. James being gone allows me to spend more time cleaning my room! Haha, and to study for my damn TEAS test.

Anywho, tomorrow I am spending the whole day with my bestest friend forever and ever since 1st grade, Junella. :) Excited? Duh.

That is all.

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Current Read : Sarah Dessen - Lock and Key
Current Music : The Starting Line - Lasting Impressions
Current Addiction : Pet Society!