Goodbye,

Finally jumping on the bandwagon after having thought about it for quite sometime.

find me on tumblr: gailywonder :)

Considering..

getting a tumblr.

I don't think I'd have that much interesting nonsense to put on it, but I'm just thinking about it..

_ _ _

anywho, my 5 year anniversary is on friday. :)

oh, there's something about love.

Wow.

I havn't written in this thing for the past 3 months, but it's amazing how I'm still feeling exactly the same as how I did when I wrote that entry. Though things have changed, or so it feels like it, I guess things really havn't changed that much after all.

Funny, how that works out.

_ _ _ _

Current Listen : Touch Me - Spring Awakening OBC

Current Read : La Respuesta/ The Answer - Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz

Action

1st step: acceptance
2nd step: action

It feels good trying to rid myself of all the baggage and thoughts and overall negativity I don't need. I'm nowhere near being 100 percent done with all of it, but slowly and surely, I'm getting there. More than likely I will fail, and more than likely you will see this blog in some way shape or form again, but at least I'm being honest.

And with that said, I'm becoming less afraid to write in this. Sometimes honesty is better than anything else when it comes to blogging in these things and sometimes insecurity, jealousy, and vain-ness, had taken its place over honesty in the past. I know I've said this before, but I'm not perfect, and I'm still trying.

Recently, I've had to rethink pretty much my entire life--okay okay maybe it's not that dramatic---but a huge part of myself, nonetheless. I didn't think things would ever come to this, but it did. Minor obstacles that were similar to this always came along, but we always got through it. Which was how it should be because blood is thicker than water. However, I need to take ACTION and know that when people cause me more sadness and hurt than they do happiness, I can't allow them to be around me. I can't do that to myself. I get sad. I become bitter. Then, that turns to anger, and things are said, things are regretted..etc. I just can't do that to myself anymore. So, whoever it is, no matter the relationship, I'm letting go.

At least, I'm trying my hardest, and so far things are going well.


On a brighter note, I raped my physiology class. :) AND I'll be San Diego bound in approximately 10 hours. I'll be surrounded by good people, including my parents, my sister, and the boyfriend.

That is all. :)

_ _ _ _

Current Listen: Dumpweed - Blink 182
Current Read: The Time Machine - H.G Wells (again)

King of Pop

I think my brother was singing to Michael Jackson's songs even before he could speak. His true admiration of Michael started then and continued to grow, as it did with the rest of the world, ever since.

That was how he came into my life.

A lot of really vague, unimportant childhood memories have remained through these years because they are associated with Michael Jackson songs. I have a home video of me at Christmas. I was probably 2 or 3 years old. I was wandering around the Christmas tree, when I stopped right in front of the camera and sang "..it's black, it's white." My version of, at the time, my favorite Michael Jackson song.

I remember road trips with my cousins to Disneyland and Vegas, singing at the top of our lungs You Are Not Alone.

I remember my brother forcing me to sit through the making of the Thriller music video so that I would no longer be afraid to listen to, and watch that video.

I'm pretty sure I could go on. But just like the rest of the world, the reason I am writing this blog is because I'm sad. I'm sad for his family and his kids. I'm sad for his fans. I'm sad for my brother who never failed to let any one know that Michael Jackson was his idol and how his only dream was to meet him. I'm sad for everyone else in the world who felt the exact same way. I'm sad for music. I'm sad for the world. I don't think there is anyone on this earth who doesn't know who he is. And that says so much about him.

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop and his legend will definitely live on.

_ _ _

Current listen: MJ all day everyday.

Jonas Brothers and Common?!?! Not bad..

Tell me that's not the most unlikely combination ever. But I have got to say, I have a lot of respect for this song. Thinking outside of the norm, I like it! Plus Common's fine as hell, and Joe Jonas will be my husband one day. A very NICE combination, indeed!


Either way, I like this stepping over the boundaries business. I've always been a fan of mash-ups of two completely different songs, and it harmoniously working out. Which explains my suprising interest in this song.




Here, give it a listen.


Download The Jonas Brothers Dont Charge For The Crime Feat Common 2dope mp3

Shared via AddThis

Live High

I might have to take a break from doing this again.
The old negative feeling that has prevented me from writing in the past, has not fully come back, but is slowly getting there. I will not allow myself to stoop that low, once again.

I'm trying to not become that person.
Besides, God is so good. Life has been so good lately. Why should I ruin it with this negativity.

With that said, I'll be taking a small break. Until that one fine moment, I become inspired again. That's the best time to write for me anyway. :)

That is all.

- - - -

Current Read: White Like Me - Tim Wise (great book!)
Current Listen: Des Rev - Almost Four (LALALALALOOOOVE it!)

It's the little things..

Every bad day has always definitely got something good that goes a long with it. Something that happened today has proved my point yet again. I was ready to have an uneventful, somewhat sad, next 2 weeks with James being gone and all...

But something good has come out of every day since.

Today, JUSTIN MOTHER EFFING TIMBERLAKE tweet-ed me on twitter! :)

And I did not even prompt him. It was very much a surprise to me as is was to everyone else! Also, James was able to call me again today! :)

I kinda like that. The fact that his calling me has become something to celebrate because we're not on the phone or together all the time. :)

This entry is all smiles. I like it.

That is all.

_ _ _

Current music : Taking Back Sunday - You're so Last Summer
Current Read : Lock and Key

Bad turned good.

Yesterday was a sad day. James left to go to the Philippines. But, looking back, there are a lot of good things that happened.

1. I got to spend quality time with James` mom and sisters. I love them to death. And, not to toot my own horn, but by the looks of it they love me as well. I think the relationship that I have with James' mom is probably one that most would kill for. She's younger than most moms so while she is motherly, I am still able to talk to her and tell her things that would be a little uncomfortable with my mom. I love how she's always talking about the "wedding" and how she's gonna help him find the perfect ring. Of course, it is in a joking manner, but by the look in her eyes, there is some seriousness to it. She's always making sure James isn't making me cry, and always trying to buy me things. She gives the best presents, but with or without `em, I`d still be as close to her as I am now.

James' sisters are the best tooo! They're always asking to go to my house, or they always want me to take them out. Micayla, the oldest little sister always tells me to buy clothes for her that look just like mine! It's very flattering actually. They don't have a big sister, so I like that I can be there for them. In fact that's one of the reasons why I adore my relationship with James so much. We're both very family oriented, my family loves him, his family loves me, and our families love each other! I love that. The fact that our families already get along. Our moms can hold hour long conversations, and I think that's so cute.

2. I also had a really nice, albeit sad, talk with someone. I totally understand where this person is coming from, how this person feels, and it was nice to share my experience in hopes of enlightening this person's mind, and helping this person out. It felt good just being a friendly ear for listening. No expectations, just really and honestly listening. It's a horrible situation, but it formed a bond, I think, and that's really good.

3. James being away, always makes me reevaluate our relationship, and it always ends up being for the better. In this case, distance is making my heart grow fonder. Being together for 5 years, and always being at each other's side, makes it hard to fully encompass and appreciate what that person and the fact that they are always there, means to you. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with him every second of everyday, but it doesn't always allow me to think about what he truly means to me because we are always together. And yesterday, after he left, I was reading thrrough his cute email that he sent me before he took off, and in my reply, I was able to spill my heart in a different way, coming to conclusions that, I think, now in our relationship, are more apparent than ever. No more naivety, no more immaturity, but true and honest contemplations. We have grown up together, and we're not young anymore. It was a good epiphany. And it's exciting how much FEELING I have about us.

4. James being gone allows me to spend more time cleaning my room! Haha, and to study for my damn TEAS test.

Anywho, tomorrow I am spending the whole day with my bestest friend forever and ever since 1st grade, Junella. :) Excited? Duh.

That is all.

_ _ _ _ _

Current Read : Sarah Dessen - Lock and Key
Current Music : The Starting Line - Lasting Impressions
Current Addiction : Pet Society!

Harmony

I love the discovery of new music. I'm pretty sure most people do. But, there's something about it that makes me so happy and excited, like I want to tell everyone I know about what I just found out regardless if they would like that type of music or not because deep down I really and truly want them to like it too. It would make it just that much better. I guess music has that kind of power. It does that to you sometimes.

And it's not just that. I realized that there's different levels, I guess you can say, of excitement according to how the music moves me. Okay okay let me explain. I think I can, for simplicity sake, divide it into three different "levels." So here goes.

The first one, in no necessary order, is the cleverness of the lyrics. If it's something that hits you, or makes you think. GAH. Something that makes you say "Damn, I wish I wrote that" or "how the hell did this artist just sum up all my feelings in one line?" Wordplay included, but not even just that. Simplicity can be amazing when its honest. I don't really have a specific rubric, but it's kinda like when you hear it, you just know. And when a song has compelling lyrics like that, I just have to tell someone about it.

Then, there's the harmony that's included in the music. When it's this "level" that catches me, I'm not even paying attention to the lyrics at this point. Something that has good harmony behind it makes me think, "Hmmm, I wonder if my sister and I could learn this song?" I want to learn the harmony even if it's a boy part because I like it that much. There's true genius that goes behind creating harmony and I love that. If there's great harmony behind a song, I definitely get excited.

The last level, I think, is somewhat of a cop out level because it's not really a specific thing. This is more like an overall type level. Like, what mood does this song give off, or how do I feel just listening to this song. It doesn't even have to have lyrics, for example, the song Your Hand in Mine by Explosions in the Sky. Or it could be acapella with no music. It just has to give off a feeling. I think I subconciously made this the last level because a song has to be DAMN good to give off a feeling. To me, at least. And if a song is THAT amazing, I'm definitely getting excited.

I don't even know if this blog has substance. I only chose to write this because I started thinking about this and was inspired by Mandy Moore's song Merrimack River. It's weird, but so good. And I like when a song can be weird, but still be good. I think it's the mood level. However, it also has unbelievable harmony. I love it!! You should take a listen.

Anyway, I have to go back to watching So You Think You Can Dance. (fave show!) Then, continue our Harry Potter Movie Marathon pt 2!!! :)

That is all.

-----

current read: revolutionary road (still)
current music: Mandy Moore - Pocket Philiosopher

3...2...1..

And, we're back!

Hello blog, how have you been? You missed me? I sure missed you. I debated coming back to you, and was so close to abandoning you altogether, but something inspired me to write again. Like I've said a thousand times before, that happens every once in a while. :)

These past few days finally being on vacation and off school has felt like so much longer than just 4 days. Right after my last day of school, people were sleeping over for my sister's graduation. That night was such a long night. We had like 11 people sleeping in our cute little Moraga condo and that made it hard to sleep early as planned. Instead, James and I had to finish my sister's slideshow and Danelle and Michelle hella turned LI and we could not stop laughing! Ended up getting hella little sleep that whole week with that sleepover and finals combined. That was SO NOT gail. You know me. I NEED my sleep! Anyway, the graduation was probably the one of the proudest moments of my life! My sister deserves so much recognition for her accomplishment. It sucks because in my family, we're just expected to graduate college. It's like a given. Therefore, it sometimes feels like it's not that big of a deal. However, the way my parents HELLA decorated the house, got hella cute giveaways, invited hella people, etc almost made me all teary eyed because my sister so deserves it! She went through hella shit during these past four years, so I was a damn proud sister that night.

At the same time, I could not stop thinking about myself graduating and my future. After all the stress I went through these past few months working so much shit out with my advisor, I finally made it happen! Because I have extra credits from AP tests and what not, I am officially graduating early! After this next semester, I'll be outta SMC and Samuel Merrit University bound for Nursing school there. January 2012, I'll officially be a Registered Nurse with my B.S. Then 2 years after that I'll have my Master's as a Nurse Practitioner! Wooot! 24 years old and I'll be able to start the rest of my life, making goood money, and living on my own and able to start my family with my teaching husband! <3 God, I can't wait.

I'm usually not one to think about my future in this way, but once SMC approved my appeal to get out early, my whole life literally flashed before my eyes, and in a good way!

Anyway, I hope to keep writing more regularly again. I know I always say that and knowing me, I probably won't follow through with it. I get too busy living my life than finding time to write about it. But, in the end, I'll try my hardest, because writing in this thing will only be better for me. :)

That is all.

------

Current Music : Incubus -Are You In (PERFECT summer jam :])
Current Read : Revolutionary Road - Richard Yates

I'm Sorryy...

Journal, for I have no more time for you.
Hopefully, in the near future, we shall spend much more quality time together.
As for now, you will have to hang in there while I neglect for a little while longer.

Again, I am terribly sorrry.

My apologies,
Gail

It's been a year now...

It's almost my birthday, in 5 days to be exact.
Now, I should be excited, but I'm not.

Last year was one of the best birthdays ever. My cotillion was unbelievable and probably my best birthday ever. I don't expect this year's birthday to be anywhere near that, but I don't even have anything planned at all for it. Sad, huh?

Also, my 18th birthday was also my last birthday in high school with all my friends and what not. One of the things I enjoyed about having my birthday during the school year is that every year on my birthday, I felt so special at school. You know, with the balloons you get to carry around and all the presents. I mean, that's a little materialistic, I know, but everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday right?

The good thing about having my birthday away from home, though is being able to party hard the night of with my friends of here! That's the ONLY thing I'm looking forward to. But, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to for spending my birthday with the family and my friends back home. :(

Anyway, enough of my ranting. That is all.

Current Music : JOHN MAYER -- all day, everyday
Current Read : Black Elk Speaks

The Age-Old debate...

Do you think God created evil?

So normally, when we discuss religion during seminar, I take everything in with a grain of salt. I don't expect everyone to be believers, and as much as I'd like them to be, I would never force anything down anyone's throats. However, today really got me thinking. I've questioned this before and I thought I knew the answer, but during our discussion I found myself going around in circles.

The question, in essence, is do you think God created evil?

Now, someone said yes but the class refuted that by saying, well, if God is supposed to be supreme good then he couldn't have created evil because that would mean that he is not all entirely good.

Then, some of the other people in the class said that God did not create evil, but because he created free will, HUMANS created evil. I, myself used to believe this. Especially because the whole Adam and Eve story. Everyone, including my teacher, was beginning to believe this idea, however, the class started trying to disprove this. Because if humans were powerful enough to create evil, and if God didn't create everything, following that logic would assume that we are just as powerful as God and that God isn't almighty because something else is just as powerful enough to create something like evil. Someone in class, at this point, quoted Genesis 1:31 and said that it only says that "God looked at everything he created and he found it very good." meaning that if taken literally, it doesnt say that he created everything, but only that what he did create was good. But then, that brings us back to that if something else is powerful enough to create evil, then God is not the almighty most powerful.

Then, one idea was maybe God didn't create evil, but he created the capacity to do evil. In other words, he didn't create evil in and of itself, but didn't prevent it from happening because he gave us the ability to choose evil. However, that was refuted because if that were the case, he would have had to create evil otherwise there would be nothing to distinguish good from evil as a choice.

Then there's the idea that maybe God just created free will and that's it. But then, if he only created free will, then how is it he can judge us for doing good or bad, if there is nothing distinguished as bad. AND if there is something distinguishable as bad, then God had to have created the bad, once again meaning that he is not all good.

Someone brought up the devil. Saying that maybe the devil created evil. But then, God created the devil right? Someone refuted that saying, no he created the angel which is good, but the angel turned away from god. So did that create evil? But then AGAIN what distinguishes that as evil? If going against God is evil because it makes him angry, then is God evil or not all good because he gets angry?

Do you see how this is confusing already? And how it got me thinking in crazy circles?

Now, this whole discussion started because we were reading St Augustine Confessions which is about a young man and his quest of conversion. This book questions everything including this very topic: the origin of evil. In his conclusion, he finalizes this debate by saying that evil just doesn't exist at all. To God, everything is good. As in everything singularly is good, just when there is a conflict of interest so things only SEEM evil. I almost bought that explanation. However, I get thrown off because if evil does not exist then and there is no evil, how does that explain all the bad in the world. How are we to justify the bad that does happen in the world? That is is actually not evil? So then why does God punish us?

In the end, I sort of found myself at the beginning. I still can't really come to a conclusion.
Any explanations? I'm free to discussion.

That is all.

It's been a while..

but, trust me, I have a lot to say. I've been inspired, so to speak. Just busy.
I will be back.

Stay tuned. :)

You love me, I love you harder

With the help of my friends Irene and Terrance, I discovered a new like: Beard Papa's cream puffs. I know, I know, I might be a little late, but whatever. I really like it. And today, I discovered that I like them a lot better frozen. :)

Today I also discovered that I am totally and completely in love with almost every single thing in the store Urban Outfitters. I mean, I've always liked the store and would purchase things here and there. But today, I realized that if I could, I would purchase almost 90% of what is there. All the way down to the witty books they have. Call me a bandwagon jumper, but I love all the 48/58 dollar shirts and blouses available there. What's worse is that I realized this today because my sister and I realized that we actually DO have an Urban Outfitters in Walnut Creek. Ack!

Whilst on our mini adventure to Walnut Creek, I also almost got my helia pierced! The line at Zebra's was wayyyyy too long though. So I shall proceed to get that piercing on its original scheduled date, March 31st. Also known as my 19th birthday! Weee!

One last thing I discovered today: my new favorite song is 6 Months by Hey Monday. Talk about love at first LISTEN! Gahhh! It's so dreamy (if you can even attribute that to a song!). Anyway, that is my current new obsession.

Today was just full of discoveries.

That is all.
_ _ _

PS I also discovered that I got a 96 on my Micro midterm! Yayyy me!
PPS Happy 4 and 4 Babe!

Current Read: The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell
Current Listen: 6 months - Hey Monday

My brain just might explode.

I'm not kidding.
I've been studying for a good 4.5 hours and honestly, I feel it has gotten me nowhere. Okay, maybe somewhere, but definitely not where I want to be or should be.

I just want to get to the fun stuff already. I know, I know. No pain, no gain. But, shit. I'm exhausted!

Anyway, I should really get back to studying. Any microbiology experts out there? Feel free to butt in and help me. K, thanks.

Oh yeah, and there's exactly 3 weeks and one day until I'm 19! Yeeeee! :)

_ _ _ _ _

Current Read : Microbiology: An Introduction
Current Music : Silence (otherwise I'd sing along, hahah)

There are more important things in life.

If I've ever had a crazy week, it's this one. Hands down.

James' grandma passed away on Saturday. She wasn't my grandma, but I loved her like she was. My parents even loved her as much as I did. She was an amazing person, always making everyone comfortable, cooking really good food, and just being plain hospitable, even while she was sick. She was like super grandma. She was very family oriented and made sure her family stayed together and spent holidays together etc. Most importantly, however, she made James the happiest boy alive. Anything he wanted, she gave him. She took care of him in ways I could never take care of him. James loved his "yoya" and now she's gone. This breaks my heart as much as it's breaking his.

Since Saturday, there's been a whirlwind of events taking place. The planning of everything, the making sure everything is set, what time things are gonna be..etc. Being that I'm not even directly apart of the people planning and I'm stressed says a lot about how stressed James and his family must be. There's been prayers every night since and viewings start tomorrow until Thursday, the day of the funeral. I've rearranged my school schedules so I could make every possible event. What this means is... selling the Jimmy Eat World Tickets. It meant everything to me to go to that concert up until this happened. Now I know, and I'm continuing to learn, that there are more important things in life.

In fact, that's not the hardest thing I've had to do thus far. Actually, the hardest, most difficult thing is keeping James sane and happy. This usually comes easy to me. But recently, Ive been getting scared. I don't know if what I'm gonna say is going to make him sad, angry, annoyed. I know all I have to do is be there for him. I want to be there for him. More than anything in the world, I just want him to be okay. I don't want him to hurt. I've been doing anything in my power to make things okay for him and it's exhausting, but it's what I want more than anything and I am going to conintue to do whatever it takes. I owe him that. He deserves that.

Anyway, I hope all of you guys, no matter if you knew James or his family, to keep them and their grandma in your prayers. I also know an old friend of mine who is in the hospital , so my prayers are with him and his family as well.

That is all.

Mercedes (Yoya) Concepcion
Rest In Peace
1945-2009

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Current Music: A Song For Mama - Boys 2 Men
Current Read: The Tipping Point - Malcom Gladwell.

Here, you can be anything and I think that scares you..

...and with that opening lyric, it's easy enough to guess that..
I JUST GOT TICKETS TO THE JIMMY EAT WORLD CLARITY x10 CONCERT!!

Now this might not be a big deal to everyone else. But for me, it's a huge deal. Here's why:


Even though Dashboard Confessional will always and forever be the band that brought me and James together, I gotta give a little credit to Jimmy Eat World. Clarity was the first CD that he burned for me. :)

Also, the song that I quoted in my title is maybe the best Jimmy Eat World song ever. It brings back so many memories, and you know me, I'm on a nostalgia high. Not to mention, it's James' favorite Jimmy Eat World album, as well as mine.

Lastly, this is like a once in a life time deal! There's only 10 shows in this tour and I am going to be at one of them. It's the 10 year anniversary so they're playing the entire album from start to finish. And if you all have heard this album it's so musically intricate that it's gonna be amazing seeing it live.

Damn, can you say EXCITED?!

Uninspired.

I was reading my old Xanga and LiveJournal and I got really sad. I used to write all the time. Now when I come to this blank posting page, nothing ever comes to mind. Maybe I did more interesting things back then? Maybe I was less insecure? I'm older now. Aren't I supposed to do more interesting things now? Shouldn't I be more secure with myself. Aren't I supposed to be 'wiser'? That's what's depressing. Because, apparently I'm not. On the brighter side...maybe I'm just too busy to write. Or, maybe I don't have as much problems as I once did.

Either way, I used to go straight to my online journal right when I got home sometimes posting twice a day. Now, I'm lucky if I get two entries a month. So, I'm on a mission (once again) to try to post more. This season of Lent, I will try to do that as well as my vegetarianism and my self-improvement...

What do I need to improve, you ask...?

Things I need to work on:
1. Being more understanding.
2. Being less selfish
3. Patience (although you would think by now, I'd be pro at that..)
4. Being less envious of little things.
5. I always let things get to me. I'm weak in that way, and I need to stop.
6. Strengthen my faith

I'd like to think that I'm a better person than I was before..but at times thinking about the way that I am now compared to before, it doesn't seem like it. With that said, this is going to be a very busy Lenten season for me. Wish me luck.

I can't shake the feeling of nostalgia that I've been since I read my old online journals. I'm even listening to really old music thus enhancing the experience. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. Damn you, nostalgia. I can't figure out how you're supposed to make me feel.
_ _ _

Anyway, today's mass was very rejuvenating. I miss going to confirmation, being a leader, and going on retreats (great more nostalgia). I need to take extra time to start building up my faith again. Especially considering all the stuff that's going on right now. It's just that school is so damn time consuming, you know? And if it's not school, it's work. And if it's not that, then I'm catching up on sleep. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe I just had much more time on my hands back then. Maybe I don't have time to reflect on my day and myself anymore. Damn, I feel old.

Man, I have a lot of things to do to better myself. And it's going to start now. Take this as a sworn statement. And if I don't follow through, quote me on everything I'm saying here and MAKE me.

But now, I have to go back to reading Lucretius and his opinion about the universe. Oh, JOY.
_ _ _ _

That's all.

Current Read: Lucretius - On The Nature of The Universe
Current Listen: Something Corporate - Punk Rock Princess

Life sucks...and then you die.

This week has not been the best. By far. So much gloomy shit is going on not excluding the weather. The sun better come out soon, both literally and symbolically, because I don't know how much more I can take.

Besides my personal problems, there is so much other bad going on that it makes me feel so ignorant and naive thinking about how much my problems are so minuscule compared to what is really going on. Things aren't fair and life really is too short. The things that really matter better be on top priority because you don't know when it will be taken away. Sometimes things happen that make you re prioritize your life, and right now that's happening. So many things, from all aspects of my life. It's crazy. It's scary. But it's life, and God willed it to be so. It sucks that sometimes you only entertain what's really important in life when bad shit happens.

"The world has its way of making you believe that it is full of hate and negativity… I mean it sends you all these situations that just beat you, break you, tear you up in pieces, and finally even make you feel as if you’ve been killed in some way.. because your capacity to love has been diminished.. I think God continuously sends you BAD, so that when you finally receive the GOOD, you’ll know it.. and cherish it.. and appreciate it.. he sends you bad so you know when the good, is the good God gives you pain and hurt and sorrow so that he can make sure that when he gives happiness to you.. you will surely appreciate it.. everything is just as it should be.."

It's funny how I come across that quote today of all days. It's from an old friend and I've quoted this same quote before. This quote though is hard to swallow. I guess it depends on your mood. Because everything always gets better. It just depends on when. I guess waiting for the good is the worst and hardest part. It sucks.

I don't even know what I'm writing about. I wish I could let you in a little more. But this is the best that I can do. Even in times of sorrow and hurt, I can't write like I used to. I don't know what holds me back. I wish it didn't.

Anyway, God, I know you're listening.

That's all.
_ _ _ _

current read: The Aeneid of Virgil
current music: Konstantine - Something Corporate

People like Jason Mraz inspire me...

...to write cool, funny, and interesting blogs.

Then I realize I'm not as talented, I'm not as interesting, and I bet my entire savings that no one reads this. It makes me sad, but then I turn on my itunes to some people like Jason Mraz, and I feel much, much better.

Two more days till I start my next semester of school. I might die before I will be able to post again.

Save me?


current music: Sleep All Day - Jason Mraz
current read: Choke - Chuck Palahnuik

tata

Because every once in a while, I get inspired.

I guess, not inspired inspired. I don't plan on writing anything that will make people go out and tell the world. I just feel like writing.

A lot has happened since I last posted. A lot of things that if I had the strength and security, I would have blogged about. But, I guess I am neither secure nor strong. I think that is my problem. I try really hard, most of the time, to pretend everything is okay. Sometimes, things really are amazing, but sometimes, I play it off as if they are, when really they are not.

In September, things happened in my life that taught me a very important lesson. A lesson everyone knows but whether or not you learn it, is a different story. Either way, i learned that shit will ALWAYS happen. Shit that brings out the worse in you. No one is perfect. Nothing is every completely perfect. And while I'm usually uncomfortable making that public, it's true. I'm not the best person in the world. I'm not the smartest, the prettiest, the richest, the most clever...etc. So, I'm not gonna tell everyone that I am.

I'm not always happy. But my life is really good.

I don't even know if I make sense. I guess I'm just bothered with people who try to make it out that their life is the best, with nothing wrong. I used to be that way, and so I know it's not true. I do applaud your positivity, however.

I don't know, maybe I'm just envious. Haha.

But, really.

Speaking of good and bad lives. You hear about the boy in China who got his cheek ripped off by his teacher? DAMN. That's so harsh, just because he didn't do his homework?! Jeez. You can read about it here. It's pretty fucking gross.

Anyway...

my current read: The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
my current music: The Tings Tings

tata.